


Grow Old With You

by TifosaAtHeart (F1_Fanatic)



Series: Friends, Family And Friends That Become Family [4]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Dan Jev and Pierre appear too, Dealing With Loss, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Male Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24962965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F1_Fanatic/pseuds/TifosaAtHeart
Summary: Jules promised. He promised to be here.And he hasn't lived up to this promise.
Relationships: Jules Bianchi & Charles Leclerc
Series: Friends, Family And Friends That Become Family [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761085
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	Grow Old With You

**Author's Note:**

> In an alternate universe, today we would be racing in France so have some hurting Charles.
> 
> Inspired by [You Said You'd Grow Old With Me](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4R-06ryWGpQ) by Michael Schulte.

_Charles watches on the screens with wide eyes and bated breath as the dark green car flips in the air and finally lands on the gravel trap, the chassis nearly tearing in two. It's Jules' car._

_“Charles, come here.”_

_A pair of hands attempt to grab at him and pull him away but Charles bats at them, refusing to go with them before making sure his friend is okay. Someone sighs near him and the hands come to rest on his shoulders, his dad's voice whispering in his ear that it's going to be okay. But Charles' tiny blue-green eyes remain glued to the screen, scanning furiously through the debris for a sign of life._

_What feels like an eternity later, Jules jumps out of the car, ripping off his helmet, not a single scratch on him, and Charles exhales a large breath of relief. He's okay._

_The moment Jules is back in the pits, explaining what had gone wrong to his chief engineer, Charles has this crazy urge to run to him and bury himself in his arms. He might have seen him walk away from the crash scene seemingly unhurt and on his own feet but he needs to check himself that his friend isn't seriously injured._

_The sound of his feet smacking loudly against the garage floor alerts Jules and he turns to look at him, a smile immediately appearing on his lips when he catches sight of the younger one._

_He crouches and opens his arms, waiting till Charles practically throws himself into him. “Hey, little one.”_

_Jules' voice is soft and calm and everything it has always been and Charles forces his eyes shut, clutching onto Jules' fireproofs tightly with his small fists. “Was scared.”_

_Jules presses a kiss over the top of his head. “I'm sorry, buddy.”_

_“Thought you were going to die” Charles continues as if he never spoke and it causes Jules to blink._

_He doubts Charles even understands the significance of these words but it's evident his earlier accident has shaken the little one for good._

_He straightens up, positioning his young friend on his hip, and the sudden movement has Charles snap his eyes open. Jules smiles at him reassuringly._

_“Our cars are strong and safe, Charles. I'm not going to die in a race car. I'm going to grow old with you, turn grey and fat and even then, you're going to kick my butt in karts.”_

_Charles regards him silently for a few seconds, then blinks and asks in a sheepish voice, “Promise?”_

_Jules laughs, kissing his temple. “Yes, Charlie. I promise.”_

* * *

It's that time of the year again. The French Grand Prix is nearing and as is the tradition for the last couple of years now, they will all gather in Brignoles to honor Jules' memory and play some football for the charity his parents are sustaining.

Charles stares at the ice cubes in his glass of lemonade and sighs. The ice cubes are melting and he feels so out of place right now.

The game itself was fine, his team won and Charles had managed to keep his mind from drifting _there_. But then Jules' mother had insisted they hang around a little longer to drink something cool. Much as Charles had tried to smile and politely step around the invitation, he's practically family and that means no is not the expected answer.

Soon, the conversation has shifted from the oncoming race to his deceased friend and Charles feels like he's choking on air. He squirms in his chair uncomfortably, wishing he could be anywhere but here.

Hearing Daniel's laughter as he colorfully narrates what he and Jules had once gotten up to after a race, is what eventually pushes him over the edge. He jumps on his feet and quite curtly, if he's being honest, excuses himself.

Though he'd love to, he knows he can't quite disappear. He just needs a moment to breathe and the one place that immediately pops in his mind is the backyard of Jules' parental home.

He and his brothers used to spend whole days here with the Bianchi siblings back in the day. They'd come up with all sorts of crazy stuff and forget about the world around them. Once, Jules had tied a rope on one of the highest branches in the trees, foolishly assuming that a worn out tyre of his go kart could hold both Charles' weight and his little brother's as they swung themselves back and forth. In the end of the afternoon, Charles' head was throbbing with a severe concussion and Arthur had scraped both his knees and elbows. But it was fun.

Charles misses the days when being rushed into the ER for head scans was fun and he lived just for kicks.

He plops down on the soft grass and pulling his knees as close to his chest as possible, closes his eyes and drags in air eagerly.

It has been years since Jules' accident in Suzuka. He was supposed to be over it by now, or at least have a sense of normality restored back in his life. And most days it feels like he has gotten there. Most days are fine. Then, someone would accidentally refer to him with Jules' name or his eyes would land on a photo and any baby steps he has taken towards progress would come crumpling on the ground.

It hurts. Bloody hell, it hurts too much! He doesn't know how to be alone, has never been. Jules should be here, fighting for the same things he does and fighting the world in his stead. Because he promised...

A stray tear rolls down Charles' cheek and he immediately scrubs it away. He doesn't want to cry. He wants to scream it off his chest, yes, but turning into a sobbing mess is not on his list, today least of all days.

So, since he can shed no tears, he opens his mouth and whispers into the painful silence around him, “You said you'd grow old with me!”

He wishes Jules was still here so that he could hug him and make all the hurt go away. But he's all alone and exhaling the air in his lungs shakily, Charles finally gives up trying to shoulder it all and sobs.

* * *

He's exhausted and feeling as if he's been crying for months. He has ran out of tears. But at least he's calmer now and the numbness inside him is much more preferable than the earlier pain. The pain makes you feel like you're tearing in two and Charles hates it. If he's being frank with himself, he knows sooner or later he'll wind up down the same road again. But at least for the time being he's floating instead, his head is quiet and peaceful and nothing can really touch him...

“Charles?”

The hesitant female voice causes his eyes to snap wide and he instantly curses himself.

“Christine, I was just heading back.” He wipes his tears hopefully before she can notice.

Christine, though, seems worried and she places a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze in comfort. “You know it's okay to _not_ be okay, right?”

“No, I... I just...” Charles stammers but a single glance at Christine has him sag his shoulders in defeat.

Over the years, Christine Bianchi has grown to be a second mother for Charles and his brothers. She can tell when there's something eating away at them and it's evident that Charles has been crying. Denying it would be of no point when she can read him like an open book.

He takes one deep breath, carding a hand through his hair hard enough to make the ends hurt. “I just... I miss him so much. And days like this are the worse.”

Christine softly rubs his arm exactly like she would when he was a little boy and ran up to her with scratched knees and tears streaming down his face. “I miss him, too. Sometimes, I hear the karts on the track or Tom turns on the race on Sundays and I think he's there driving.”

Her voice is wavering, barely above a whisper, and Charles doesn't have to look at her to know there are tears building in her eyes, as well.

“But you can't spend the rest of your life stuck in this, Charles. You have to keep going. You have to fight for your dream for both of you. And slowly, eventually, maybe this won't hurt so much anymore.”

A tear falls down Charles' cheek but he's too drained to cry again.

“I don't want the pain to go away” he murmurs brokenly and Christine's watery eyes fly up at him, definitely not expecting this. “I don't want to forget him.”

Christine reaches up and grasps his face between her hands firmly, forcing him to look her in the eye. “The pain doesn't go away because you forget, Charles. The pain goes away because you know you're doing something that matters, something he would be proud of you for. The pain goes away because you know who you are.”

“And what's that?” Charles immediately asks.

Then, he realizes it was stupid of him to do so. How can he expect her to have an answer to this question when sometimes even he isn't so sure about it?

Christine, though, strokes the edge of his jaw with her thumb and smiles at him. “Jules' little one. Will always be.”

* * *

Charles doesn't feel like he wants to be surrounded by anyone right now, least of all by happy, smiley faces. He just wants to curl up on himself and sleep for weeks to make up for the energy he wasted by crying his sorrows out. But he knows his mind is not a safe place for him to be in alone right now and so he pushes himself back on his feet and towards the rest of the company.

Hearing footsteps behind him, Pierre spins on his chair, one elbow on the back of it as he smiles at him encouragingly, “Hey.”

Pierre, being Pierre, could always tell when his head becomes too loud for his own good. But he never pressures Charles to talk about it. Mostly, he just supports him through it silently and Charles is forever grateful for it.

He smiles back at the young Frenchman, although there's a broken edge into it. “Hey, Pear.”

“Dan gulped your drink” Jean Eric informs him, trying to distract him from his thoughts.

“It was cooling off, he'd ask for a refill anyway” Daniel shrugs, defending himself before narrowing his eyes at the Frenchman accusingly. “You make it sound like I have a problem for stealing people's drinks.”

“Oh, but you _have_ a problem for stealing people's drinks, Danny boy” Jean Eric smirks at him evilly.

There's no way this won't lead to an argument. But watching two grown men bickering like five year olds over how many times Daniel ended up downing a drink that wasn't his, is surprisingly all Charles needs to provide him with a sense of normality again.

It doesn't magically make things right and he still would give everything just to have one final moment with Jules. But he has his friends, people to always look out for him and a safe place to turn to and hide himself in when the storm in his head gets impossible to control on his own. He has a family.

He can practically feel Pierre's worried eyes on him as he blankly flicks his gaze between Dan and Jev. He wishes he could find the strength to reach out, squeeze his knee and promise that everything is going to be okay.

Right now, it might not feel like it but Charles is sure that one day it really is going to be okay. He doesn't expect the pain to vanish, rather to ease a tiny bit and become an extra motive for him to fight harder and fight for Jules, too. And knowing that one day he'll get there, a small smile finds its way on Charles' lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys, I'm going on a break from this fandom for a little while. I'll still be writing so you can leave a prompt if you'd like but I'm afraid there will be no new stuff from me in the near future.
> 
> Kudos and comments are always a source of encouragement :)


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